Well, its sorta hard to figure out exactly what you got going on there in your explanation, but the first thing that comes to mind.....
You need a fused wire from the battery run up to the headlight bucket. That wire is going to go thru the contacts on the relay to power your light bar. You can then use the headlight wire to trigger the relay.....and switch the ground wire. Heres a picture:

This way the only power the starter switch has to carry is the current needed to turn the relay on...which is very little. Instead of the 100W or so of the light bar.
Now, maybe i missunderstood your explanation and you already did this..if so, ignore my rambling

-Scott